I’m not writing this to evoke sympathy. Far from it. I’m in a happy relationship. This is merely an entry to talk about the ways I know I’m loved without “doing” Valentine’s Day.
I also want to write this to reassure you that it is totally possible to be in a loving relationship with someone who doesn’t feel the need or want to acknowledge Valentine’s Day with flowers, diamond rings and candle lit dinners.
If on the 14th I don’t receive anything I’m not going to start doubting my relationship. My younger self might have but that’s not me any more. As I’ve got older I’ve learnt that micro gestures are a lot more romantic and meaningful than large declarations. Things like coming home to dinner being made, waking up to a hot cup of tea on the bedside table and the random whatsapp pictures of cats on my boyfriend’s jobs are his way of being romantic and show me that he loves me.
Whilst these might seem like your average day to day encounters between two people, It’s these micro moments that make me smile uncontrollably to myself because I’ve realised now that it’s these little interactions are his way of being romantic.
So I don’t mind that sometimes when Valentine’s Day rolls around that it’s not acknowledged. The old, immature me wouldn’t have stood for that, the old me would have thought my boyfriend clearly doesn’t love me if he hasn’t brought something that lets everyone else know how much he’s in to me.
Don’t get me wrong, Valentine’s Day isn’t always ignored, we’ll sometimes get each other cards, sometimes I’ll get flowers but it’s never a fanfare – and that’s OK.
This year there won’t be presents, but I plan to mark the day using a micro gesture; I’m going to bake for him. Seems trivial, but it’s a little out of the ordinary in our day to day routine. But I won’t be slaving over a hot stove all day because that’s no fun.
I’m going to bake a cake in the shape of a heart. It’s simple and symbolic. I’ve been practising with this heart mould from Lekue*. It’s the first time I’ve ever used a silicone mould for baking and it was actually a lot simpler to get the cake out than a conventional cake tin because I didn’t need to grease the mould. It just cooled and the cake popped right out.
The cake might not look professional and it probably doesn’t scream I LOVE YOU, but it’s something I’ve made rather than brought from a cliche Valentine’s gift aisle.
So how will you be spending Valentine’s Day? Are you a grand gesture kind of person or do you prefer to let it slide by unnoticed?
*I was provided with the mould for the purposes of this post. All thoughts are my own.